I can’t believe it’s October. Can you believe it’s October? I totally can’t.
It’s Thursday night and I’ve had a full evening. I worked until 6 (ish), came home and unwound with Shelton, had a little dinner, watched a little Downton (I love Maggie Smith more than anything right now) and then listened to a little Danielle LaPorte while Shelton played Call of Duty. And I decided that I wanted to write another blog. I know! Two in one week. It’s like it’s 2012 or something! Ha.
My mom says that she’s always enjoyed getting older and entering new phases in life and I think I finally understand what she means. Because I think back to this time last year (which was awesome, do not get me wrong) and I think, “Ah! That was fun. What I’m doing now is more fun.” I understand things better now… but not as much as I’ll understand them tomorrow, or next week, or next year. So, I am writing now because I want to. Not because I have a plan or an agenda, but because I just want to.
(That’s a good enough reason to do anything, by the way.)
This week I’ve given a lot of thought to this season of change I am experiencing. I am no stranger to following my heart (I did follow it all the way to North Carolina, after all), but for most of my life I’ve put myself in a box (sometimes several) and have often suppressed my desires. Desires to really dream and then act on those dreams. Desires to create for me and not for recognition. Desires to be content but never allowing myself to feel that way…. It’s been two things: Exhausting and unnecessary.
I don’t fit in a box. I never will. I will be creative and crazy and happy right where I am and probably always wonder what’s just around that corner over there all at the same time.
No… more… boxes!
Only do things that… feel… good!
Why… am… I… yelling?
Probably because I hardly ever give myself permission to just be.
Well, I’ll have you know that I’ve been actively doing just that and it’s been great and a little weird at the same time. It’s an odd freedom that comes with adjusting your sails to new winds. And let me tell you, I am approaching uncharted waters.
They will be rough, but not rough all the time. They will be smooth, but not smooth all the time. I may sink, and if I do, I’ll learn to swim. That’s The Plan.
That being said…
What boxes do you put yourself in? What are the labels? When do you allow yourself to just… be yourself?
Those questions are kinda rhetorical, kinda not. Feel free to mull it over.
In the meantime, I’m gonna brush my teeth and hit the sack. Because, you know, I’m really desiring some Zzzz right now.
-Sarah
